Emptiness... It Is What You Make It!

For a little over a year after my dad's death I felt completely alone and empty. I felt like the friends that I had developed a relationship up until that point left me stranded in my darkest time. When I tried to call them they did not answer. When I tried to approach them on the street or at a restaurant, they hardly acknowledged me. They were not there for me and they did not include me in anything any longer. It made me feel like because of this event, that I had no control over, I had become a burden to them... and a burden to everyone around me. I did not want to feel a burden to anyone so I no longer reached out to anyone. I tried to deal with it on my own. As time went on during this year of darkness I began to seclude myself in my own thoughts and emotions. I kept things bottled up and I let it make my life darker and darker. I was angry and depressed that all these people that I had sacrificed time and my feelings for just left me to free fall into negativity. I asked myself time after time, "Why me?" "What have a done to deserve such pain and suffering?" I did not have friends to lean on for a year and it is because of this and a few other experiences that I became the loner I am today. It has taken time to try and work myself out of the ruts that I started back then, but slowly and surely I am climbing out. My father told me during our last conversation the day he passed that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, so why not this? Sometimes our mind strays from the path we set on, but its up to us to pull ourselves together.

Being alone with my thoughts for that year, gave me a lot of time to analyze my life and what it has been up until that point. It was a time of self reflection... a time to find myself. It was not easy and I do not wish that on anyone... I do not wish any of my struggles in life to this point on anyone. Despite how tough it was I would not give up this time or any of my life experiences to date. It is who I am, and it makes me... ME. Some times are harder than others to get through, but the main thing is that you get through it. You will come out the other end a stronger individual and more knowledgeable.